Know what you want

I was listening to the radio today and Ed Lover was quoting something from Reverand Run (as in DMC). He was saying that you should focus on what you want and God will give it to you. You need to really focus on it because whatever it appears to be is what will be given. If you want a friend with benefits, that's what he'll give you. If you want a loving partner for marriage, that's what he'll give you. You just have to know what you want and focus on it.
So did I want to meet all these assholes all my life? Was that what I was truly focused on so that's why I got it? I was just thinking that perhaps I didn't respect myself in the past and that's how I ended up with the people I did. Do I respect myself now? That's the question. If you don't respect yourself, you allow yourself to be mistreated when otherwise you would never allow it.

stoopid is as stoopid does

I was just rereading some of my past blogs and damn they sound stupid. do i really want this s*** posted for the world to see? apparently so, as I am leaving it posted.

ESPANA

I noticed I had this post in draft status only. Not sure why I never posted it. It's really old from 5 years ago but it's about Spain which was a great trip so I thought why not post it now.

I went to Spain in September 2006. I had gone there before but only to the Southern Coast. This time I went to Madrid, Sevilla and Barcelona. We flew into Madrid and took trains to get to the other cities.

Our first stop when we landed in Madrid on Saturday, was the Atocha train station, and we went direct to Seville. We took a bus into town and easily found our hotel. We actually stayed at a Best Western of all places, and we stayed in the new wing of the hotel so it may have been the cleanest hotel I've ever stayed at. We thought they ate late in Spain, but when we headed out at 10:30pm, we could only find one place that would serve us some food. So it looks like late nights do not apply to Seville. Seville seemed very old world to me. It's a beautiful city. We stayed for only one night. Since we were short on time, we visited this amazing Palace and then went on a bus tour so we could take in all the "main" sites of the town. Below is a photo of the palace that we saw.
We then left for Madrid on Sunday. We were originally just supposed to overnight it in Madrid and head out to Barcelona on Monday. But we found out all the tickets were sold out for the trains we needed for Sept 11 so we had to stay an extra day in Madrid. Atleast we were able to see more of Madrid. Our hotel was in the heart of the city. Very modern. With a free lap top and internet access included. When we first arrived in Madrid, I actually found it a bit daunting. It reminded me very much of New York City, but with a language barrier. Our hotel was just above the main Plaza. There were hookers around the corner and apparentlymy friends saw a man running for a gun when they went out for a smoke. But aside from the initial scare, Madrid is a beautiful cosmoplitan city. The restaurants were open late here. We actually ate dinner at this Italian restaurant near by. Food was really good.

We saw another amazing palace while in Madrid and walked around town. We found this cute neighborhood that felt sort of like the Village. We took in the traditional Flamenco show and ofcourse went to the museum which they have plenty of...ok now it's hard to write a recap of the trip because it's been like 7 months already and I never finished writing this blog..yikes.

Basically after Madrid we went to Barcelona for like 3-4 days...very artsy beautiful city. Gaudi abounds and is amazing. It was cold and rainy during our time in Barcelona unfortunately. Our the apartment we rented was right on the main tourist strip around the corner from a Plaza. Lots of students and tourists. There's a beach at the end of the strip. The beach is dirty and since it was kind of cold still not somewhere where we spent much time. Actually the strip is kind of gritty in some parts but it gives it more flavor that way. I felt I could not appreciate the city as much because of the weather. We did go to the harbor and check out the shopping mall. Long lines at the Picasso Museum led us only to walk in the entrance way and use the bathroom. We made it to Sagrada Familia and Guell Park all in one day - that was a lot of trecking - but totally worth it. It was a sight to behold. We ended up in a ritzy part of Barcelona and had tapas. Barcelona is a diverse city with lots to offer. Little passageways along the main strip - you never know what you'll find.

C'est La Vie to Summer

Another summer come and gone. What? I can't believe it. It's so true - the older you get, the faster the time passes. I miss those 2 month summer breaks, and it looks like I always will miss those times as I'll never get those types of vacations again. Here I am wasting away a Saturday morning...actually I like when I get to relax and veg out. Sometimes my weekends are so packed full I have no time to take care of the menial tasks of daily life...like my clean laundry piled on a chair in my room for like 2 weeks or getting a couch for our new apt...uh we moved in like 3 months ago but hey...actually maybe that's not because I'm busy. It could just be because I'm a couch potato. Whatever the case may be, on a rainy dreary cold saturday like this one, you aren't motivated to do anything whatsoever. It's Labor Day weekend and the temperature already dropped 20 degrees...is this a sign that a brutal winter is to come? My sis just moved to Taiwan for a year (or more maybe more!!??).. She gets to miss the cold and will instead have to sustain many more months of 100 degree weather and typhoon season. What's better? Snow or torrential down pours? I can't believe my lil sis is off on her own like that. I'm already missing that bitch so much. How dare she leave? Actually I'm proud of her. It will be a great experience.
And I actually do like the fall season where your ass doesn't sweat when you wear jeans and only a light jacket is required or just long sleeves. I just find it depressing because I know what it all leads up to...cold...brutal cold...
Actually I'm going on vacation soon so I get to extend the summer a little more. I'm excited because I'm going to my dream city...I'll be going with a couple of friends. For the past 2 years, the only vacations I took were with my boyfriend - either with him or to visit him or to spend time with him when he visited me...That's the trouble with long distance, when you have limited vacation days, you spend all your vacation days with him...Not that it was a bad thing but I didn't go away with my sis or visit my friend in the Philippines..because I used up my vacation time. It was worth it at the time, but now that we broke up..
My ex went to Spain recently and I haven't heard back from him since.
Perhaps he had so much fun there, he never returned or maybe he's forgotten me and met some new chick, not that he's supposed to remember me since we broke up which means we don't owe anything to each other. But it's not like we had stopped emailing. Not sure what I'm expecting..just bored perhaps since I haven't dated since the break up (except that strange blind date). Wasn't ready yet to step out into the dating scene, but maybe I am now. Technology today...I do admit, if it weren't for email my ex and I couldn't of ever had made our relationship work. It's amazing if you think about it. And hopefully my sis will get email up and running there in Taiwan so I can keep closer tabs on her. Even if we're far apart, I still feel the need to make sure all is alright. She is my lil sis after all.

who am i ?

Your Life is Like

Better Off Dead...

What John Cusack Movie Are You?

blue skies

Brooklyn Botanical Garden

Blue skies always put me in a good mood.

Soul Searching

do you really think soul mates exist? i was having this conversation with my sister the other day...she thinks you're destined to meet certain people in your life especially soul mates. but what about the old maids and the bachelors? do they just choose to ignore their soul mates and thus end up alone for life? what's that about really? did destiny just have it out for them, and they were meant to be lonely? how about if you spend your whole life searching and never find the one you're meant to be with? if each one of us is meant to have a soul mate, then wouldn't it be our destiny to meet that person sooner than later? doesn't quite make sense to me. i think rather that it's chance that you meet this person...and not predestination. being at the right time at the right place. i guess now that i think about it, your soul mate doesn't have to be a lover. they can be your best friend. maybe it's the old maid's cats. who knows really.

my other question is...do you only have one soul mate? What if you felt like you met that person but you ignored it or due to certain circumstances, it just didn't work out? What happens then? Was that person not your real soul mate since you should be destined to be together. Or if you do finally meet, are you destined to be together forever? or are there certain time spans for some mates? Do you never meet another? Maybe our souls are broken into several pieces to be reunited with many and differing people through out our entire life. How does this work exactly?

now that my boyfriend and i broke up due to the extenuating circumstances, well i feel like all hope is lost. well i was never sure i was meant to be with my ex, but i do feel that it's hard to get to know someone, and have them accept you for who you are and all your ways, and to finally feel comfortable. it takes so much time to establish a relationship, and why go through all that again? why do people need companionship and a partner? why is it that we never feel complete without a significant other? When you have a nice place to live, and a stable career, it's never enough. you need the perfect man too, right? i think Sex and the City covered this topic once, and I forgot the conclusion. i guess love is a drug that you can't get enough of even if it hurts sometimes, and you go through withdrawal, it always seems worth it once you have that high so that's why so many people are willing to give it a try.

God, i miss my cable...see what happens ? I can just babble endlessly...

NO CABLE

i am dying...our cable went out and i am lost without tv...well on a positive note although our internet is also out since they are from one and the same company, atleast i somehow have wireless access to the net, which is how i am typing this right now.

our cable went out on Monday and the cable guy is supposed to come and hopefully fix the problem Friday. I've been listening to CD's that i've kind of forgotten about or haven't had the chance to truly listen to and actually it's quite nice except if i didn't have the web, then i would be going stir crazy. i'm upset that i missed a couple of my favorite shows...like America's Next Top Model & American Idol. I don't even know who was booted off of either show. i know i'm lame...and i guess i could look it up on the web right now, but it's not the same as actually watching the show.

Anyway the moment i get home from a long days work, putting on the tv is the first thing i do, and it doesn't get shut off until i fall asleep (i put it on timer). not that anyone cares - but that's what these blogs are for, are they not? I WANT MY DAMN TV BACK!!! I complain that cable doesn't have good movies or they repeat the same ones over and over again, but when i don't have the option to even watch them, it drives me bonkers. So what do i do with my time? I guess there was a lot of time wasted watching tv and now i should be more productive but actually there's really nothing i feel like doing.

i leave for North Carolina soon, so maybe i should start packing. Ugh it's so annoying too because my cable box has the wrong time since it's not functioning properly so i have no idea what time it is without checking my cell phone. Right now it's 1:27 on the box, but its actually 9:40pm. what a pain in the butt.

hungry

i've been waiting for my friend to get his taxes done, so we can go get some grub cause i'm friggin' starving. i'm watching food on tv and that's not helping at all. And i know if i try to eat just a snack, i won't be able to stop munching. So I am waiting here with my insides churning from hunger pangs. Besides food, i'm hungry for change. i always get into these funks where i feel like life is so boring and once again i'm doing nothing of importance with my life. Did you ever feel like your living life but just going through the motions? Not really living? I guess it's time for a vacation. I'm not sure where to go this year. I usually only take 1 long vacation a year (long is equivalent to 1 week - not like our European compatriots), and I take long weekends to visit the BF when I can. I guess that's why I liked having a long distance relationship. Because it allows me to travel and get away every now and then. Traveling is fulfilling because not only do you always experience something new (even if you've been to that location several times over) but you get to be in a different environment from the dull monotony of every day life. Now, some people live life to the fullest every day and enjoy their lives no matter where they are. And more power to you, if you do. But it's not so easy for me. Perhaps because I'm a couch potato at heart? lazy? tired? It's a worse syndrome in the Winter when it's too cold to be walking about. Like i've said before, i love summer in the city. Winters get pretty brutal. and maybe that's why I start feeling like i need a change and need to get out...Maybe a weekend trip to South Beach will brighten my outlook.
i was just reading an article in NY Magazine the other day about changing your life by moving to another country or starting your own business or writing a novel. So it looks like I'm not the only one that feels this way, and there are actual people who do take the big step. Perhaps one day I'll write a novel. Perhaps one day I'll start my own business. Perhaps one day I'll leave the country? I don't think I have the guts to do it. My parents did it...they left the Phillipines to start a new life here in the U.S. so I should be able to do the same in some other country, right? Hmm not sure. This will be a long standing debate in which I will probably never end up winning as it will be too late for me to ever make the move. Maybe instead of choosing another country to live in, I need to start smaller and choose another state.
And what about my brain? I think I need some more mental stimulation. Watching reality tv every day and sitting at home does not feed the brain cells. I've tried recently to learn new things - it may not be totally academic but atleast it's something...I tried to knit and I actually completed a project.. well I'm half way done..I knit some fingerless gloves, and now need to knit the mitten portion that you wear over it. And I took up a new dance - African. It's a good work out and you can jump your way to stress relief. It's good but I guess i'm craving more...but anyway I think i will have to grab a snack now because i'm feeling kind of faint...