Blame Game

I think it was Rihanna that said the first 5 years of your life have the most profound effect on who you are as an adult, and you spend the rest of your life trying to undo any damage done during that time.  I know, you're probably thinking why are you quoting a pop singer?  The thing is I kind of feel like that's true.  I mean your experiences as a child effect you for the rest of your life.  I know many a people who blame their parents for the issues they have now...commitment issues, relationship problems, fears of abandonment, yadda, yadda yadda.  I'm guilty of the same. I blame my mom's overly controlling ways for my indecisiveness and inability to speak out..that kind of thing.  Eventually you need to get over it, and move on.  Easier said than done.  I also feel like the way you see yourself as a child - let's say you were a shy, awkward, geeky kid, ahem, well you sometimes still see yourself that way and feel that way, even when you're grown up and way past that geeky phase.  It kind of creeps up on you in certain situations.  For example, I still hate wearing my glasses in public..like I know no one else gives a flying f*** and I actually think glasses are attractive on most people, yet I still feel like a nerd when I have them on..And being a new parent myself, I realize our parents didn't know what they were doing when they were raising us, they were just learning as they went along.  I mean that's what I'm doing... I mean whatever advice is given to you or whatever books you read, it doesn't really matter.  You're still going to do what you feel is best and what works best for you and your child.  I just have these thoughts sometimes that I may be doing something wrong or not good enough.  Am I too lenient?  Am I not giving him enough attention? Am I coddling him too much?  Am I teaching him enough?  The list can go on and on.  Maybe it's inevitable that your child will blame you for some emotional issue that they have as an adult.  My sister seems to think so.  I mean it's not always the parents that cause issues - there are other situations when the child is older, like peers at school, that probably have a profound effect too.  But right now in these first years of life, who do they typically spend most of their time with?  It's probably their parents.  Do these thoughts go away when you have more kids?  Or do they continue?  Is this me just being neurotic?  Ah well.  You do your best and hopefully your best is good enough.

To nurse (for as long as possible) or not to nurse?

There was a debate recently about nursing and how long a mom should do it for.  There was some article that had a photo of a woman and her 2 year old son standing and breastfeeding and it caused quite a stir in the media.  Actually I forgot how old he was, but he was larger than normal.  They say you should breastfeed for as long as your child wants to.  Kids who are weened on their own freewill apparently are smarter and more well adjusted, etc.  I stopped breastfeeding my son when he was about 6 months or just a little bit after, when his teeth started coming in.  Actually if babies are feeding correctly, once their teeth come in, it shouldn't hinder the breastfeeding process because they shouldn't be using their teeth at all.  But I wasn't really producing enough milk and had to supplement at every feeding so it was double the feeding process.  I thought it would just be best to slowly ween him off.  I think at 6 months, he liked to nurse in order to fall asleep, a comfort sort of thing, more than to actually feed.  And some may think 6 months - that isn't long at all.  But for me, it was quite painful at times because I used to get clogged milk ducts which really hurt, and I think he was latching on wrong at times, so I was very sore.  There were times when it hurt so much I really wanted to give up, especially when feeding was taking place every 2 hours, but I stuck with it for 6 months - through the flu season, to make sure he had his antibodies.  The debate brought to surface the stigma that seems to go along with breastfeeding (if your child is big) even though it's one of the most natural things on earth to do.  And I suppose there is sort of stigma if you decide not to breastfeed at all.  I say if you are able to and can nurse for however long you want, then more power to you.

Today I got head butted in the nose by my son.  We once again brought him into our bed after he was crying in his crib around 11PM.  Around 7 AM, he sat up to readjust himself and slammed his head down on my nose, and peacefully went back to sleep, all nice and cuddled beside me. It was very sweet actually, but in the meantime, I felt like my head was going to explode.  It's 5PM now and my head/nose still hurts.  I think it's time to pop another ibuprofin.  I bruise pretty easily so I think I might be forming a nice big bruise on the bridge of my nose a week before our scheduled family portrait.  Hopefully I won't have a bruise or it will go away by then. But damn that hurt.  Kids heads can be really painful.  Goes to show this sleeping in the bed thing is not really a good idea. He was also pretty restless in the night and since I'm a light sleeper, I am aware of all his movements which doesn't bode well for a good nights' sleep.  My hubby is also afraid if we are fast asleep, the baby could potentially crawl over us and fall/thud in the night, which would totally suck.  My bed is pretty high up so a fall would not be pretty.  He already did it once before which was awful.  And I totally learned my lesson not to leave a sleeping baby in the bed even with pillows around because he surely will attempt to crawl over them when he wakes up.  What a scare!  But babies are supposedly made of rubber when they're young.  The doctor said he was fine..(you do have to keep careful watch those 24 hours after a fall to make sure nothing is wrong like liquid or bleeding from nose/ears / nausea / unusual sleep patterns / unusual play patterns) but I felt my heart leap up through my throat when that happened.  Well we don't want any more of those kinds of incidents if we can help it...

And now I've enrolled him in swim lessons for the summer...I'm kind of scared of water but hopefully he won't be.  8 half-hour lessons 8:30 in the morning on Saturdays at the local YMCA. Should be fun I hope!  Just because he's raised in the city, doesn't mean he can't learn some essentials like swimming.

Super Duper Pooper

He's a super duper pooper and I'm the super duper pooper scooper.  10 months old / 3 solid food meals a day with formula in between equals lots of diaper time.  I know kids all vary, but really, I thought maybe he needed some time to regulate and get used to the solids...but he still continues to have a bm after every feed.  Ah well, at least he'll eat anything we give him..he's already tried Pad See Ew (Thai Noodle Dish), Curry, Pancit (Filipino Noodles), Fried Chicken (although he did throw up later that day), Guacamole (also threw up later that day), Mac and Cheese, Peanut Butter and Jelly, Yogurt with cereal and fresh fruit.  He loves Hummus. He likes fish, fried eggplant, rice and bread.  He had lemon chicken yesterday as well as couscous with chickpeas and edamame.  He likes those Auntie Annie's Cheddar Bunnies but whatever snack you're snacking on, he wants to try it to.  And of course since his dad is a vegetarian, he'll eat tofu - no problem.  Sometimes I feed him the organic baby food in a jar.  Sometimes I think I should feed him first before we have dinner...wrong!  He still wants to eat our food even after he finished all of his...and gets very upset if he is left out of it.  We swear he has hollow legs or something because where is he putting it?  I guess that accounts for all the bm's. 

Is it too early to introduce all this crazy food into his diet?  Some of my friends were shocked when we were feeding him guacamole but I think most kids love avocado.  I guess they were concerned with the other stuff that's in it: onions, jalepeno?  Well we test out new food to see how he reacts - if he does get sick after or have an allergic reaction, we'll avoid it for future.  For the most part, he's been ok.  No allergies yet.  He did get sick several hours after eating the fried chicken but he's eaten other forms of chicken so it  might have been the heat or maybe the way the chicken was prepared.  Same with guacamole, he's eaten guacamole before, and the time he threw up after, I feel like it might have been the heat because those 2 days were really hot and we were outside for most of the day.  I still am avoiding kiwis and mango though for now. 

Apparently I was a picky eater as a child.  My mom said thank goodness he's not.  Or maybe I just didn't like my mom's cooking (hope she doesn't read this).  I never liked eating Filipino food either (which was my dad's specialty).  I didn't like meat, like steak and porkchops, but I think that was because my mom liked (and still likes) to cook those very well done, a.k.a. burnt which equals very chewy meat which I still hate now.  As a child, I remember I used to love spinach of all things.  Spaghetti & meatballs was another favorite.  And I still love grilled cheese to this day.  I do know I was very picky up until college.  And it was in college where I started trying out all kinds of weird food that they served at our dining hall.  It was also where I gained 15-20 lbs. The dining hall also served different desserts every day, like cake and giant chocolate chip cookies.  Growing up, my parents rarely made dessert..it was typically a banana for dessert.  So when I got the opportunity to eat chocolate cake, cookies, etc, well I went for it and it sure did show...especially Freshmen year.  The daily availability of fries and tater tots didn't help the cause much either.  It could have also been the late night pizzas (and perhaps the beer?). Ugh.  And then you hit 30...but now I'm going off on a tangent..

Ah well, our little man was only in the 5th percentile in weight at his 9 month visit, and I don't know if our full fat diet (as in full fat yogurt) for baby has worked to give him a little more meat on his bones but I think his cheeks are looking a little fuller.