Pooptastic Adventures in Babysitting

The other night my bf had a gig so I was home alone. It was 6PM and it was already getting dark, a sure indication that the seasons are changing and that fall is definitely around the corner. or is already here. OK - I had meant to go into a short story of how the baby did a poo and I went to change the diaper and he wasn't exactly done yet, so needless to say I had to use a lot of wipes and it was quite a mess. But I haven't blogged in a while and now I lost my train of thought for my pootastic story. It's probably a subject most people don't want to read about anyway. I haven't been blogging since the baby has been quite fussy during the afternoons, which is usually when I try to write. Not to mention, with my company in transition, I've been quite stressed and checking work emails in my free time instead of attending to personal ones. But it's quieted down now. Hope the job situation resolves soon. If I end up not having a job anymore, maybe it's a blessing in disguise since I get to focus on taking care of the baby. Although financially, it wouldn't be too good of a thing. The one thing I know for sure is that my Brooklyn office will be officially closed end of October, so if I do continue working, I have to work from home anyway.

This evening, the baby has thrown up massively. He spit up a little because we tried giving him formula. I thought he was hungry because he was breastfeeding for so long and crying the whole time, so I thought he wasn't getting enough milk. But I think in the end, he did end up getting enough, and he spit up the little formula that he did drink. I was putting him to sleep, and he ended up throwing up all over me and himself - not a whole lot but it was like thickened milk. And maybe a half hour later, after he had fallen asleep and he was put in the crib, he threw up again massive - all over the crib, it even came out of his nose, a thick white. Aargh. Poor baby. Totally freaked me out. I think maybe he over-ate, with a little mix of congestion. He didn't cry or fuss, and after clean up, was ready to go back to sleep like nothing had happened. Weird. I mean I was warned to expect projectile vomit but when it happens, you get all paranoid that something may be seriously wrong. Well I'll keep a watch out to see if this throwing up is persistent.

time flies!

i can't believe that my baby boy is 1 month old today. that was pretty fast. he's gotten bigger. 2 inches taller. and initially he had lost weight but now he is past his birthweight at 7 lbs 14 oz. he's on the lower end as far as weight goes but the dr said it was still acceptable. I think recovery for me has been good. I no longer experience any pain at my side when i try to sit up after i have been lying down for several hours. that's good! i think i still look 4 months pregnant...well maybe i look 3 months preggers now. the belly has definitely gotten smaller since i first got home. my bellybutton is becoming more concave instead of being totally flat and non-existent. That's a good sign i suppose. i don't think i have many clothing options that keep the nursing bra properly unseen and allow for easy access to the boob, while fitting my bigger than normal belly. Every time my sister sees me, she says i've started to dress like mom. ugh! anyhow so be it.

sleep - cry - eat- sleep - cry - eat - poop/pee - eat - sleep - repeat

so it seems like my baby wants to eat every hour or he feeds for what seems like over an hour which the doctor says shouldn't be. if they want to feed every hour, they more than likely are using the nipple to pacify themselves. it seems like the only way to stop my son from crying is to feed him and i feel like he genuinely is hungry even though they say he shouldn't be hungry. sometimes he'll feed for only 5 minutes, fall asleep, and when I put him down, he'll want more. So maybe he's not feeding long enough in that instance. But sometimes he's literally on the boob for 30 to 45 minutes. On occasion, rocking or patting his back will make him go to sleep after he's been satisfactorily fed and continues to cry. What seems like a never ending feeding pattern is what makes me feel exhausted because it feels like consistent feeding/crying.

yesterday we introduced the pacifier. or in England they call it a "dummy". i like to refer to it as a binky. well if the theory that he's only trying to pacify himself is correct, then the binky would work to make him stop crying and fall asleep, right? i was worried he may not eat enough if he's sucking on this thing all the time (that's what it mentioned in the "what to expect in the 1st year" book), but it seems like he doesn't keep it in for that long. it only works temporarily for about 5-10 minutes, and then he spits it out and he cries and seems to want actual milk. is my baby orally fixated? does he really eat as much as it seems? or is he really only wanting a way to pacify himself? i just fed the baby again this morning for like the umpteenth time, and he didn't fall asleep so he started crying, which is his usual pattern. so i was able to pat him on his back until he fell asleep, instead of feeding him again, because he probably was finally genuinely full. it seems like he is really asleep now, not just in a temporary 5 minute milk coma. usually when he's really out, he'll sleep for about 2-3 sometimes 4 hours. although some people say, you shouldn't start patting him on the back, because he'll get dependent on that to fall asleep, and you'll have to do that all the time. but i have to do something to appease the baby.

While I was trying to sooth and rock the baby to sleep, it reminded me of my grandmother. She used to sing and pat the babies' back to make them go to sleep. And i felt like i was imitating her or i learned what i am doing from her. she babysat for a lot of people's children, including my sister when she was an infant. she watched over my cousin and me after school, but we were already older. i think she came to the states when we were about 5-6 years old. She even got to meet and take care of my cousin's first child for a little bit. it made me sad to think that my grandmother will never meet my son. she was a very kind, sweet and loving woman, and i miss her even to this day when i think about her. i don't recall any conversations i had with her but i guess when you're a kid, you appreciate, even without speaking, when a person watches over you, and you can feel how much a person loves you by how they care for you. She moved back to the Philippines when my grandfather retired. I remember she didn't want to go back, but my grandfather did. I forgot how old I was. She passed away unexpectedly when I was around 24. My cousins and I, along with my dad, my aunt and uncles flew down for the funeral. It was nice to be in the Philippines with all the family for the first time, but then it was sad because of the reason we were all there. Anyway, it's nice that I still have memories of her and can use what I remember as I now watch over my own baby.