so it seems like my baby wants to eat every hour or he feeds for what seems like over an hour which the doctor says shouldn't be. if they want to feed every hour, they more than likely are using the nipple to pacify themselves. it seems like the only way to stop my son from crying is to feed him and i feel like he genuinely is hungry even though they say he shouldn't be hungry. sometimes he'll feed for only 5 minutes, fall asleep, and when I put him down, he'll want more. So maybe he's not feeding long enough in that instance. But sometimes he's literally on the boob for 30 to 45 minutes. On occasion, rocking or patting his back will make him go to sleep after he's been satisfactorily fed and continues to cry. What seems like a never ending feeding pattern is what makes me feel exhausted because it feels like consistent feeding/crying.
yesterday we introduced the pacifier. or in England they call it a "dummy". i like to refer to it as a binky. well if the theory that he's only trying to pacify himself is correct, then the binky would work to make him stop crying and fall asleep, right? i was worried he may not eat enough if he's sucking on this thing all the time (that's what it mentioned in the "what to expect in the 1st year" book), but it seems like he doesn't keep it in for that long. it only works temporarily for about 5-10 minutes, and then he spits it out and he cries and seems to want actual milk. is my baby orally fixated? does he really eat as much as it seems? or is he really only wanting a way to pacify himself? i just fed the baby again this morning for like the umpteenth time, and he didn't fall asleep so he started crying, which is his usual pattern. so i was able to pat him on his back until he fell asleep, instead of feeding him again, because he probably was finally genuinely full. it seems like he is really asleep now, not just in a temporary 5 minute milk coma. usually when he's really out, he'll sleep for about 2-3 sometimes 4 hours. although some people say, you shouldn't start patting him on the back, because he'll get dependent on that to fall asleep, and you'll have to do that all the time. but i have to do something to appease the baby.
While I was trying to sooth and rock the baby to sleep, it reminded me of my grandmother. She used to sing and pat the babies' back to make them go to sleep. And i felt like i was imitating her or i learned what i am doing from her. she babysat for a lot of people's children, including my sister when she was an infant. she watched over my cousin and me after school, but we were already older. i think she came to the states when we were about 5-6 years old. She even got to meet and take care of my cousin's first child for a little bit. it made me sad to think that my grandmother will never meet my son. she was a very kind, sweet and loving woman, and i miss her even to this day when i think about her. i don't recall any conversations i had with her but i guess when you're a kid, you appreciate, even without speaking, when a person watches over you, and you can feel how much a person loves you by how they care for you. She moved back to the Philippines when my grandfather retired. I remember she didn't want to go back, but my grandfather did. I forgot how old I was. She passed away unexpectedly when I was around 24. My cousins and I, along with my dad, my aunt and uncles flew down for the funeral. It was nice to be in the Philippines with all the family for the first time, but then it was sad because of the reason we were all there. Anyway, it's nice that I still have memories of her and can use what I remember as I now watch over my own baby.
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