We're coming to that age where the fate of our parents is unknown. My friend's father just passed away a few days ago. You never really know what the future holds for us or for our parents or for our children for that matter. But our parents aren't getting any younger. It just makes you realize you do really need to appreciate your parents while they are here. My mother and I have always had a volatile relationship. For some reason, there are certain things that she says or does that make me regress back to my teenage years where I blow up in my mother's face like a raging volcano. She has a way of hitting a nerve. But I really should try to get past that and try to be an adult and be civil and kind and respectful. It's hard to bite my tongue sometimes though. Or I am clearly very impatient with her about things I assume everyone should know (I'm talking technology here) but you know she didn't grow up in the computer age and she is learning as best as she can or as best as she wants to. I just need to learn to be more patient about the how to's and the not knowing, and the "can you do that for me"'s, etc. Now that I am a parent, I realize more and more that there sometimes is no right or wrong. There is no precise rule book on how to raise a child properly. You just learn as you go. I know there are a lot of books out there that tell you the proper ways of parenting or what the experts think, but they don't take into account the different personalities and situations that everyone is dealing with on an individual basis. I really do fear f****** my child up psychologically somehow, and perhaps that is somehow inevitable. I know a lot of people who blame their parents for a lot of the issues they currently deal with, so it seems to be the cycle of life.
The other day I found myself yelling at my child at the top of my lungs because he wasn't listening to me and was persistently doing the exact opposite of what I said not to do. Ugh! It was so frustrating. But then I thought to myself - what am I doing? I can't yell at a barely 2 year old the way I would yell at a full blown adult. Is he just having fun..or is he trying to push my buttons? Is he even understanding what I'm ranting and raving about or does he think this big person has gone mad crazy and is a total looney? It's hard to find a balance sometimes when you see your patience slowly dwindling. I rarely yell at an adult that way except at my sister on rare occasions...sorry sis. So yelling is bad for a child but utilizing a stern voice and time out is the way to go. He's about at the 2 minute mark for time out. Yes, I've been watching Jo the super nanny for training advice. I just hope when he gets older that he'll respect me and his dad. I see some children nowadays speaking to their parents and sometimes the respect is totally lost.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Sunday, June 02, 2013
the battle scars of pregnancy
I must say I didn't get any stretch marks while pregnant..I don't think it was because of the bath oil or the lotion that I used..or maybe it helped that I moisturized daily. But my theory is if your skin is prone to stretch marks then you'll likely get them during pregnancy. It all has to do with the elasticity of your skin. I'm not sure if cocoa butter our any other ointment will actually have an effect on your skin. I just lucked out. My mom got major stretch marks which she blames me for. Ha.
I had a c-sect and you really can't see the scar from that either. They made the incision way low. I know in the olden days, the scar from a c-sect was very obtrusive. I can see the scar but if I was wearing even a low cut bikini, no one would see it. It took awhile but I eventually lost all the baby weight but I also lost all my chest and butt (not that I had much to begin with), and my gut easily expands especially after any eating so all is not really back to norm..but eh my stomach has always been an issue for me anyway..if only I had abs of steel prior to pregnancy..it would probably be easier to get back into shape. If you are planning to get pregnant, it is suggested to be in the best shape you can be. Pregnancy really does take it's toll on the body..internally, structurally, hormonally, every which way you can or can't imagine, even your gums.
I had a c-sect and you really can't see the scar from that either. They made the incision way low. I know in the olden days, the scar from a c-sect was very obtrusive. I can see the scar but if I was wearing even a low cut bikini, no one would see it. It took awhile but I eventually lost all the baby weight but I also lost all my chest and butt (not that I had much to begin with), and my gut easily expands especially after any eating so all is not really back to norm..but eh my stomach has always been an issue for me anyway..if only I had abs of steel prior to pregnancy..it would probably be easier to get back into shape. If you are planning to get pregnant, it is suggested to be in the best shape you can be. Pregnancy really does take it's toll on the body..internally, structurally, hormonally, every which way you can or can't imagine, even your gums.
violence leads to what?
What is the point of violence against others? Our friend recently got thrown against a fire hydrant by some random angry person who apparently was harassing anyone that passed by. Not sure what he was so mad about but it looks like he decided to take it out on strangers. When my hubby was first notified by the hospital, early Friday morning, no one knew what happened. There was no police report, no ambulance report, just a call that our friend was found on the street, dazed and confused and bleeding profusely and an ambulance had brought him to the hospital. Since we found out that he had his wallet and phone, we assumed he was not mugged..Was it maybe a
hate crime like so many crazy violent acts that have been going on with
the gay population in Manhattan? Was it gang related? Did he get in a fight? Was it a mugging gone wrong? Was it some freak accident? By crazy dumb luck, we found out just today that the person that called for the ambulance actually lives in the same building as our friend who got assaulted and saw the whole thing happen. Small world? Yes it really does seem like it is. But really, what is the point of random violence against others? What satisfaction does one get from it? Do they get some inane pleasure from giving someone pain? Do they just have a screw loose so they have no control? Or do they have no feelings at all of guilt or remorse for the things they do?
The other day my friend posted on Facebook that she was waiting on line for coffee and the person/stranger in front of her mentioned that there were a lot of kids there. Uh-huh...Then she went on to say that these parents must be optimistic because the world is so crazy right now. An odd thing to say to a stranger, especially a stranger who you don't know might actually have kids themselves. I mean but the world is crazy right now - it's been crazy for quite some time - but I'm kind of thinking humanity in general has always been pretty violent. Are we violent more so now then we were in the past? Or is it that technology allows more reporting of these types of incidents? Are we all just losing our minds? Another thing someone mentioned is that we've had a heat wave for several days and heat makes people act crazy or all the crazy people seem to be out and about. I feel like there are more violent incidents when it's hot than not since more people in general are out and about when the weather warms up. More crowds + heat = uncomfortable = anger = violence? This always brings me to the question of whether humans are innately good or are we all evil and just repressing our true selves? Maybe it is too optimistic, but I believe when you get down to it, most people are nice and have good hearts. I do say MOST though, not ALL.
Anyway, the person that called the ambulance said he had called the police about 4x before an EMS ambulance finally came. The police blew him off and said that he was probably drunk - "he" being our friend who got beat up? or "he" that assaulted my friend and slammed his head against a hydrant? Not sure which, but the cops didn't think it was worth coming to the scene or filing a report. That is so lame. How many bouts of abuse and violence happen in NYC daily that aren't being reported or fully investigated? When is it worth their time? It's very upsetting but at least we know what happened and we no longer have to hypothesize about what happened.
Our friend left the event around midnight, was admitted to the hospital Friday around 1:45AM, he started hemorrhaging near his brain and had to immediately have surgery. His skull also got fractured. There were 4 of us who got to the hospital as he was getting out of surgery around 11am. We were scared - I mean it doesn't sound good when you hear "assaulted" and "needed surgery" in one sentence. All I kept thinking was, "what the fuck happened?" Geez. He was with us that evening and had gone home just half an hour earlier than us and damn it, why the fuck did he not make it home? How could this have happened? It's so crazy because we had such a fun evening. My parents were babysitting so we had the night off. We three went to a charity event together and I got my drink and dance on which I haven't done in soooo long. We were having fun and feeling happy and then in a sudden twist our morning got turned upside down. The good news is his recovery has been amazing so far, but I think he may have many more days in the hospital. We won't know the extent of the brain damage, if any, until he has healed completely and starts rehabilitation but all signs are looking good. He has a lot of friends visiting and sending positive vibes which is an important key to the recovery process, so if he keeps being surrounded by all these people that love and care for him, I think he will be good to go in no time. It is a relief that his recovery has been amazing, but there is still a hint of worry, until he is officially moved out of ICU and onto the rehab floor.
Being at the hospital 3 days in a row just reinstates how much I hate hospitals. The nurses, doctors, physical therapist, social worker, etc have all been great and really nice, but just the institution and how scary it can be or the reasons why you typically have to go there make me quite squirmish. I wanted to take the baby to see our friend. I think he would be happy to see the pudge pudge and I don't think it would have been morbid. And in ICU, they actually just recently removed age restrictions so that anyone can come visit 24 hours a day. But the nurse told me they are against bringing a child to ICU because why expose your child to so many germs? Our friend is in Neuro ICU. The unit next door is apparently ICU for highly contagious diseases. So yeah, they are right. Why risk getting a child sick? So today, hubby and I took turns going upstairs to visit ICU while the other stayed downstairs and watched the baby. The baby easily got bored and wanted to run around the ground floor of the hospital like the Tasmanian Devil. So not sure if this plan will work for future visits. It looks like I might not get to visit so much anymore until maybe our friend moves to a different floor. Not to say I'm any less concerned for his well being, but he's my hubby's best friend and I know he needs to be there for him more than me.
The other day my friend posted on Facebook that she was waiting on line for coffee and the person/stranger in front of her mentioned that there were a lot of kids there. Uh-huh...Then she went on to say that these parents must be optimistic because the world is so crazy right now. An odd thing to say to a stranger, especially a stranger who you don't know might actually have kids themselves. I mean but the world is crazy right now - it's been crazy for quite some time - but I'm kind of thinking humanity in general has always been pretty violent. Are we violent more so now then we were in the past? Or is it that technology allows more reporting of these types of incidents? Are we all just losing our minds? Another thing someone mentioned is that we've had a heat wave for several days and heat makes people act crazy or all the crazy people seem to be out and about. I feel like there are more violent incidents when it's hot than not since more people in general are out and about when the weather warms up. More crowds + heat = uncomfortable = anger = violence? This always brings me to the question of whether humans are innately good or are we all evil and just repressing our true selves? Maybe it is too optimistic, but I believe when you get down to it, most people are nice and have good hearts. I do say MOST though, not ALL.
Anyway, the person that called the ambulance said he had called the police about 4x before an EMS ambulance finally came. The police blew him off and said that he was probably drunk - "he" being our friend who got beat up? or "he" that assaulted my friend and slammed his head against a hydrant? Not sure which, but the cops didn't think it was worth coming to the scene or filing a report. That is so lame. How many bouts of abuse and violence happen in NYC daily that aren't being reported or fully investigated? When is it worth their time? It's very upsetting but at least we know what happened and we no longer have to hypothesize about what happened.
Our friend left the event around midnight, was admitted to the hospital Friday around 1:45AM, he started hemorrhaging near his brain and had to immediately have surgery. His skull also got fractured. There were 4 of us who got to the hospital as he was getting out of surgery around 11am. We were scared - I mean it doesn't sound good when you hear "assaulted" and "needed surgery" in one sentence. All I kept thinking was, "what the fuck happened?" Geez. He was with us that evening and had gone home just half an hour earlier than us and damn it, why the fuck did he not make it home? How could this have happened? It's so crazy because we had such a fun evening. My parents were babysitting so we had the night off. We three went to a charity event together and I got my drink and dance on which I haven't done in soooo long. We were having fun and feeling happy and then in a sudden twist our morning got turned upside down. The good news is his recovery has been amazing so far, but I think he may have many more days in the hospital. We won't know the extent of the brain damage, if any, until he has healed completely and starts rehabilitation but all signs are looking good. He has a lot of friends visiting and sending positive vibes which is an important key to the recovery process, so if he keeps being surrounded by all these people that love and care for him, I think he will be good to go in no time. It is a relief that his recovery has been amazing, but there is still a hint of worry, until he is officially moved out of ICU and onto the rehab floor.
Being at the hospital 3 days in a row just reinstates how much I hate hospitals. The nurses, doctors, physical therapist, social worker, etc have all been great and really nice, but just the institution and how scary it can be or the reasons why you typically have to go there make me quite squirmish. I wanted to take the baby to see our friend. I think he would be happy to see the pudge pudge and I don't think it would have been morbid. And in ICU, they actually just recently removed age restrictions so that anyone can come visit 24 hours a day. But the nurse told me they are against bringing a child to ICU because why expose your child to so many germs? Our friend is in Neuro ICU. The unit next door is apparently ICU for highly contagious diseases. So yeah, they are right. Why risk getting a child sick? So today, hubby and I took turns going upstairs to visit ICU while the other stayed downstairs and watched the baby. The baby easily got bored and wanted to run around the ground floor of the hospital like the Tasmanian Devil. So not sure if this plan will work for future visits. It looks like I might not get to visit so much anymore until maybe our friend moves to a different floor. Not to say I'm any less concerned for his well being, but he's my hubby's best friend and I know he needs to be there for him more than me.
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