Blame Game

I think it was Rihanna that said the first 5 years of your life have the most profound effect on who you are as an adult, and you spend the rest of your life trying to undo any damage done during that time.  I know, you're probably thinking why are you quoting a pop singer?  The thing is I kind of feel like that's true.  I mean your experiences as a child effect you for the rest of your life.  I know many a people who blame their parents for the issues they have now...commitment issues, relationship problems, fears of abandonment, yadda, yadda yadda.  I'm guilty of the same. I blame my mom's overly controlling ways for my indecisiveness and inability to speak out..that kind of thing.  Eventually you need to get over it, and move on.  Easier said than done.  I also feel like the way you see yourself as a child - let's say you were a shy, awkward, geeky kid, ahem, well you sometimes still see yourself that way and feel that way, even when you're grown up and way past that geeky phase.  It kind of creeps up on you in certain situations.  For example, I still hate wearing my glasses in public..like I know no one else gives a flying f*** and I actually think glasses are attractive on most people, yet I still feel like a nerd when I have them on..And being a new parent myself, I realize our parents didn't know what they were doing when they were raising us, they were just learning as they went along.  I mean that's what I'm doing... I mean whatever advice is given to you or whatever books you read, it doesn't really matter.  You're still going to do what you feel is best and what works best for you and your child.  I just have these thoughts sometimes that I may be doing something wrong or not good enough.  Am I too lenient?  Am I not giving him enough attention? Am I coddling him too much?  Am I teaching him enough?  The list can go on and on.  Maybe it's inevitable that your child will blame you for some emotional issue that they have as an adult.  My sister seems to think so.  I mean it's not always the parents that cause issues - there are other situations when the child is older, like peers at school, that probably have a profound effect too.  But right now in these first years of life, who do they typically spend most of their time with?  It's probably their parents.  Do these thoughts go away when you have more kids?  Or do they continue?  Is this me just being neurotic?  Ah well.  You do your best and hopefully your best is good enough.